Newsletter Archive

DECEMBER 2008

How to Survive the Office Holiday Party
  
'Tis the season for office holiday parties and with them comes extra stress for employees with Asperger's Syndrome and NLD. The paradoxical nature of these events makes them hard to navigate. They are business functions, yet people are expected to talk about topics other than work. Employees are supposed to relax and have fun, but also maintain a professional demeanor.
 
It can be very tempting to avoid the social stress by simply ignoring the party. However absenting yourself from these kinds of gatherings (which can also include summer outings, birthday luncheons and the like) can negatively impact your job.
 
Neurotypicals place a high value on interpersonal connections. Dodging work-related social events sets you apart from the group. You may be perceived as not liking your co-workers, not liking the company or as not being a "member of the team." Being part of a group - whether that group is a project team, department within the company, or division of the organization - builds feelings of trust and camaraderie among NT's who tend to be wary of individuals who don't "fit in." 
 
So how do you survive the stress of a holiday event and make a good impression? Here are some tips that apply to all kinds of business-related social functions:
 
Stay long enough to participate in the event. If you are attending a cocktail reception or informal buffet, plan on staying long enough to have a beverage and something to eat; usually 45 minutes to 1 hour. If possible travel to the event with co-workers you know and like so that you don't have to enter the venue alone. While there, plan on at least talking to your direct supervisor and other members of your department or work group.
 
If the event is a sit-down lunch or dinner, you are obligated to stay through the meal and during any presentations that follow. Leaving too soon is considered rude so take your cue from your colleagues wait for someone else to leave first.
 
Prepare in advance to make small-talk. The purpose of small talk is to make a friendly connection with others, not to exchange important information. Practice some statements and questions in advance of the party. A good way to start a conversation is to be curious about other people - for example by asking colleagues what their holiday plans are. You can also make positive comments about the party venue, decorations, food or music. Be sure to have several conversation-starters ready so that you're not repeating the same thing to every person you talk to.
 
It is best to avoid personal comments (even when they are positive) about a person's weight, hair style, make-up, clothing, etc.
 
If discussions about work-related matters come up they are usually brief and general. Listen to what your co-workers are talking about and do not launch into details about specific projects unless others do so first.
 
How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends by Don Gabor is an excellent book for learning how to improve your skills in any social situation.
 
Limit alcohol consumption. Getting drunk at company functions has derailed careers and lost people their jobs. Avoid alcohol altogether or limit yourself to 1 drink.
 
Avoid venting. It can be very tempting to "vent" frustration by making remarks about stupid management decisions or a dim-witted boss. But there's a risk that your comments will be overheard by the wrong people. One man was so busy entertaining people with stories about how incompetent his boss was that he failed to notice that his boss was standing on the sidelines, listening to every word. The man was fired the next day.
 
Smile. One of the simplest ways to appear to be having a good time is to smile when you say hello to people. If you have a hard time remembering to smile, find someone to help you practice this skill. It will help you in many situations and is worth the effort to learn.
 
 
Finally, remember that you don't need to become a master conversationalist to survive a holiday party. The goal is to make a good impression which can be accomplished with some advance preparation and practice.

© 2008 by Barbara Bissonnette, Forward Motion Coaching